Lame Security
by Masterob
Summary: What happens when you leave goofballs to be security at an art gallery. Starring Johnny Sasaki & Charmy Bee. Characters from Sonic, Fantastic Four, Resident Evil, Punch Out, Metal Gear Solid & Street Fighter. (It's just something quick I came up with, probably not the best but it's something).


**Lame Security**

Charmy Bee and Johnny Sasaki were on their way to their new gig, security at their local art gallery.

"This is so cool, I can't wait for our new gig" Charmy stated.

"Totally, we're gonna rock this, you and me manning the gallery, two bros kicking ass" Johnny stated.

"We're not brothers".

"I'm speaking symbolic-like, when I say "bro" I mean like my best friend".

"Oh you mean like Zack Ryder".

"Exactly, we're like broskies".

"The broskies rocking the gallery!"

They entered the museum and met with Vector.

"Now listen boys, this is the gallery of art, one of the best galleries in the local area, now normally Charmy, it was you me and Espio, but there's a major mission on the horizon for us, so you have to watch the museum with Johnny".

"Right Vector, me and Johnny".

"Now I know you both have had various difficulties in the past but I think this is simple enough, the gallery is a safe place, just make sure people follow the basic rules"

"Right, baisc rules...which are?"

"No running, no flash photography, no touching the displays, etc, it's all there on the board, just keep watch".

"I think we can handle this, I worked for Liquid Snake on Shadow Moses Island".

"And we worked together to fight Metal Sonic when he became huge".

"Yes, just don't take things to the extreme, I gotta go, see you around guys", Vector left the area and Johnny stood guard with Charmy.

Charmy and Johnny then marched around like soldiers on patrol, "Hup two, three, four, hup two three, four"

"Wait, Johnny, isn't in one, two, three, four? Where did "hup" come from?"

"Um...maybe it's german"

"...Makes sense"

"Hup two, three, four".

At that moment they noticed Amy Rose looking at a picture.

"Oh the flowers look really pretty", Amy stated.

Charmy and Johnny approached her quietly from behind.

"I would love to take this home with me"

"ATTEMPTED ROBBERY!" Charmy shouted.

"Huh?" Amy turned around as Charmy tackled her to the ground.

"YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT SCUMBAG!" Charmy shouted and tazed her.

"Ow! Are you nuts! you stupid-" Amy was cut off when Johnny sprayed her in the eye with pepper spray, "AH! MY EYES!" Amy was the knocked out by Charmy's nightstick.

"That'll teach you to plot robbery", Johnny said and knuckle bumped Charmy.

They turned to the people around watching the scene unfold.

"Don't worry citizens, the art gallery is safe, no need to worry!" Johnny shouted.

The people simply left the scene as Johnny and Charmy tied Amy up and left her near the painting and Charmy put a sign that said "theif" on her.

"Now you stay put until the police comes to take you away", Charmy then put tape around her mouth, she was still barely concious.

As they went back to their post to call, they noticed something else suspicious, it was Claire Redfield with a camera.

"This looks really nice", Claire said and took a picture.

"HEY! No flash photography!" Johnny shouted.

Claire noticed him, "Um this camera doesn't have flashes"

"Oh a wiseguy eh?"

"I'm a girl"

"So that means you have a vagina!"

"That's not something you shout out you idiot!"

"Ninja technique!" Johnny did some various kung fu stances.

"Johnny would you stop acting like an idiot! You're such an embarrassment"

"You'll pay for insulting my honor, come at me!" Johnny got into a karate stance.

"Just go away before I kick your ass you stupid-" Claire was interrupted when Charmy tazed her from behind, then Johnny took the oppurtunity to KO her with his nightstick.

"That's two for two lady!" Charmy stated.

Claire was tied up and put next to Amy, who just woke up and put a sign on Claire that said "Camera Jerk". Amy was yelling through her taped mouth.

"Don't make me slap you", Charmy stated, infuriating Amy more.

"We should call in the police to take these jerks away" Johnny stated.

"Right, lets get to the...Aran!" Charmy was distraced when he saw his friend Aran Ryan.

"Charmy! Johnny! Great to see ya!" Aran stated and greeted his friends.

"What brings you here Aran?" Johnny asked.

"Just checking out some decent Irish art"

" I thought the only art you liked was the art of smashing people's faces in?"

"Well sometimes you gotta take a break from it all, then you can love it again".

Aran Ryan noticed the girls behind the guys, "What's with those two chicks?"

"Oh, they're bad girls that we just captured, Amy here attempted a robbery, and Claire loved pictures a little too much", Charmy stated.

"Ha, some people never learn", Aran stated.

They then heard a familiar voice.

"Mom, look at the pretty pictures over there!"

They saw Cream and her mom Vanilla.

"Look, it's the rabbit girls", Aran said.

"YO CREAMY!" Charmy shouted.

Cream noticed them, "Oh no, not them, mom quick, lets go!"

"Now now Cream, it wouldn't be polite, lets go greet them quickly, a little chat won't hurt".

"Fine, if you say so".

The girls approached the three.

"Hello there little Cream", Aran said.

"Hello Mr. Aran, hello Charmy, hello awkward Mr. Johnny", Cream said.

"I know you know other Johnnies, but do you really have to call me "Awkward Mr. Johnny"? I AM a soldier".

"Ok, Soldier Mr. Johnny".

"Much better"

"So why are you boys here?" Vanilla asked.

"We're security, well me and Johnny, Aran's just visiting"

"That's nice, have you caught any bad guys?"

"Yeah, Amy Rose and Claire Redfield"

"...Amy Rose? I know she's a little...herself but what could she have done?"

"And what did Mr. Chris's sister do?"

"Robbery and Pictures", Johnny stated.

"...Amy never steals, and pictures?" Cream asked.

"Well she said she wanted that picture, what else would she have meant?" Johnny asked.

"That's just an expression, she just thought it was nice, no need to tie her up, I think you should let her out of those ropes, they look like they hurt, I think this is just a misunderstanding", Cream said.

"Yes, now stop being silly boys and let those girls loose, this seems like a major misunderstanding", Vanilla said.

The three huddled and whispered then turned to the three girls.

"We have fully taken in what you said girls", Johnny Sasaki said.

"And we have one proper response", Charmy added.

*Few moments later*

"Man you think you know a person", Charmy said.

"Yeah, I thought they were nice girls", Johnny said.

"You two made the right choice", Aran Ryan said.

Cream and Vanilla were tied up with Amy and Claire.

"Any chance you guys could lead me to the Irish art"

"Sure follow me", Johnny led Aran away, then Tails showed up in the area.

"Wish they had more art about planes, that would be great", Tails then heard some muffled screams and saw the four girls, "Amy? Claire? Cream? Ms. Vanilla?"

Tails approached the girls and took the tape off their mouths gently.

"Who did this to you?"

"Those idiot so called guards, Charmy Bee and Johnny Sasaki!" Amy shouted.

"All I did was take a picture, those guys are idiots!"

"Thanks for coming little Miles", Vanilla said.

"No problem Ms. Vanilla".

"Wait til I tell Sonic, he won't be happy about me being tied up", Amy stated.

"Unless you're chasing him", Tails said.

"What did you say!?" Amy shouted.

"Nothing!"

"Well I know my brother Chris won't be happy, he'll probably wring their necks", Claire stated.

"I'll untie you", Tails said and started working on Cream.

"Thanks Tails, at least you noticed, no one else seemed to notice, or are willing to risk helping us", Cream said.

"No problem Cream, I'd do anything to help you", Tails said.

"Aw, thanks, you're really nice Tails".

"Thanks, you're nice too Cream".

"Hey, pick up on Cream on your own time, just untie me!"

"Fine, just hold still, I almost..."

"Tails! Watch out!" Claire shouted.

Tails looked around and saw a nightstick heading toward his face.

When Tails regained his compusure, he noticed he was tied up.

"Thought you could free these girls did you?" Johnny asked.

"Well you are no match for us, the awesome trio of Charmy, Johnny and Aran Ryan!" Charmy said.

"You guys are such imbeciles!" Tails shouted.

"Oh shut your mouth you moron!" Charmy said and placed the tape over Tails's mouth.

"You're doing great fellas, now lets alert the authorities", Aran Ryan said.

"Right, yo any crime enforcer here!?" Charmy shouted.

A few moments later, local Super Hero Johnny Storm the Human Torch arrived.

"Thank God, Human Torch, we just found some perpetraitors, book them!" Charmy said.

"I swear you three are the biggest morons EVER! Who put you in charge of this mall anyway!?"

"Vector", Charmy said.

"I never liked that guy"

"Cause he likes Vanilla too?"

"I'll burn you"

Charmy backed off.

"Look I already saw what happened before with Tails and I called the REAL authorities, they'll straighten this crap out, until then I'm gonna untie them, hopefully they won't-"

"TRAITOR!" Johnny shouted and attacked Johnny with Charmy and Aran Ryan.

Torch blasted them back and kicked Johnny in the gut and then did a viscious uppercut, then Torch ducked a punch from Aran and did a hard punch of his own and then did two punches and a jumping headbutt, which hurt Torch's head a bit, but then he clotheslined Aran Ryan. Charmy flew in to attack Torch with a speeding headbutt but Johnny dodged and elbowed him in the back and put his foot on Charmy.

"I feel so tempted to squish you", Torch stated.

"Just because I'm a bee doesn't mean I squish so easily!"

Torch stepped down a little and hurt Charmy's back.

"Ow! You're such a prick!"

"Be quiet chump, soon the proper police will-" Torch ducks a sneak attack from Johnny and Torch does a quick punch to bring him down.

Aran Ryan also ran at Torch but Torch did a jumping kick to bring Aran Ryan down.

Soon Chris Redfield arrived Chun Li to the scene and helped out the captives.

"Thanks big brother", Claire stated.

"No problem sis, what happened anyway?"

"I just took one picture"

Chun Li approached the three, "Do you realize the trouble you idiots caused? You don't need to overreact to what people do unless you know what their doing and not what you think they're doing!"

The three just stood there.

"Now first off, Ryan you're not even an assigned guard, so I suggest you leave; Charmy, Johnny, you're relieved of duty, just head home and we-"

"TRAITOR! Attack her!" Johnny yelled.

"Aw hell no!" Chun Li kicked them all down.

"What a bunch of morons", Chris said as he untied the last of the captives.

Sonic also arrived at the scene, "Yo Tails, heard about your ordeal, you ok little buddy?"

"Yeah, just Charmy, Johnny and Aran being idiots".

Chun Li continued to scold them, "All of you our of our sight this instant!"

Charmy rubbed his chin a little.

"You heard her guys, buzz off, you've done enough damage", Johnny Storm reiritated.

"Ow, my chin hurts".

"Because you're very reckless and annoying, it's your own fault, now get moving this instant", Tails demanded.

Charmy spit and saw blood in his saliva.

"I'm...I'm bleeding...", Charmy whimpered a bit, then started crying.

Chun Li & Johnny Storm started feeling a little guilty, Johnny Sasaki picked up Charmy.

"You two should be ashamed of yourselves, hurting this poor innocent little boy".

"Innocent? He attacked us!" Amy shouted.

"Hey, hey Amy, guess what, shut the hell up!" Johnny Sasaki said and the turned to Johnny Storm and Chun Li, "We know when we're not wanted, lets go Aran", Johnny & Aran turned and left.

Johnny Storm and Chun Li just stood there awkwardly.

"Well I just feel terrible", Chun Li said.

"Me too, but we had no choice, lets just fix up this nonsense", Johnny Storm said.

"So, are you doing anything later Johnny?"

Johnny Storm was gonna answer but Vanilla intruded, "He's got prior plans, right Johnathan?"

"Um, yeah I guess"

"Someone's jealous", Sonic stated.

"Yeah totally", Chris reiritated.

Vanilla shot them both a glare before walking off.

"In the end, I do feel a little bad, Charmy and Johnny Sasaki had good intentions, Aran Ryan I'm now sure, he is very violent just for fun, but perhaps we were a little tough on them", Tails stated.

"You always see the good in people Tails, it's very sweet, but also very annoying sometimes"

"Since when do you find me annoying!?"

"Well a lot of people find you annoying, I just don't find you annoying in general"

"Excuse me!?"

"Oh nothing", Amy said and walked off.

Cream felt bad for the trio, even though they tied her up, she hated to see people sad, so she ran off to find them. She looked around and saw them across the street in a store, picking up some beer and a soda.

"Think they got something for Charmy's mouth blood?" Aran asked.

"He could wash it out a little with the soda, should help", Johnny stated.

"Charmy! Mr. Aran! Soldier Mr. Johnny!"

"Who's calling us?" Aran asked.

"It's Cream, what's she doing away from her mother?" Johnny asked.

Cream ran across the street but didn't see a car coming.

"Cream look out!" Johnny shouted.

Cream turned and saw the car coming at her, and was too scared to move and the car couldn't stop in time.

Johnny Sasaki gave Charmy to Aran and then ran to Cream, grabbed her and got her out of harm's way before the car could hit her.

Cream was still shaking but then noticed she was in Johnny's arm.

"You ok Cream?" Johnny asked.

Cream whimpered a bit but managed to answer, "Yes, thank you for saving me".

"No problem, it's my job after all, I help people like you", Johnny Sasaki said.

A few moments later, people surrounded the area, the driver was shocked but was fine also, and Cream was safe with Vanilla.

"Cream you must'nt do that, you caused quite a scare", Vanilla stated.

"I'm sorry mommy, I just wanted to make them feel better", Cream replied.

"At least she's ok", Johnny Storm said.

"Wait how did she get out of the way?" Tails asked.

"Soldier Mr. Johnny saved me", Cream replied.

"No seriously", Tails asked.

"Give me SOME credit! Jerk" Johnny Sasaki stated.

"As surprising as it sounds, Mr. Sasaki here DID save Cream, Im shocked but impressed", Johnny Storm said.

"Yeah, looks like these guys pulled through after all, good work Johnny", Chun Li said.

"It's what I do", Johnny said, flexing a muscle.

"Show off", Johnny Storm said.

"You're one to talk Johnathan", Chun Li said to Johnny Storm.

"Well it goes to show you, everyone is good at at least one thing", Tails said.

"Well I caled Vector, you're no longer obligated to do security work, ever again, Charmy you go back to Chaotix ASAP, Johnny you need to report back to Solid Snake ASAP, but they note the good work you did", Sonic said.

"Well first thing's fist, lets wind back a little, we had a stressful afternoon, lets have a party to celebrate Johnny not screwing up", Johnny said.

Everyone nodded to that and went to the nearest club area and partied a bit, soon more friends showed up.

"Well Snake, your opinions on Johnny now?" Sonic asked.

"Not too bad, everyone has their moments", Snake stated

"Maybe put him in real hero's work more?"

"Well I think we can find something for him Sonic, with just a little more training"

"Maybe Sally can help with that".

"And who knows, with a little more training, Charmy could be top notch too".

"What about Aran Ryan?"

"He could stick with boxing"

Meanwhile the trio are hanging out with Tails, Cream, Johnny Storm, Claire Redfield& Leon Kennedy.

"Yeah I knew the risk of saving Cream, but it's all in the line of duty, I will always risk my life for the safety of others", Johnny stated.

"Wow how heroic", Leon said sarcastically.

"Be nice Mr. Leon", Cream stated.

"Yeah Mr. Leon, or Mr. Kennedy, lol just like the wrestler, Misteeeeeeeer Kennedy!" Johnny stated.

"Yeah real fun-" Leon was interrupted briefly and Johnny simply stated, "Ken-ah-Dee!"

Everyone buy Leon chuckled at that.

"Very funny", Leon said a little annoyed.

"Hey don't worry, I like to compare Sonic to John Cena, so you're not alone", Tails stated.

"Time to get some good drinking on!" Aran Ryan said and shook a champane bottle and tried to pull off the cork but couldn't, "What the hell?" he pulled again but nothing, "Come on you damn bottle!" Aran hit it on the counter.

"Maybe you shouldn't do that", Tails stated.

"I know what I'm doing fella", Aran hit it more and the cork came out but it hit a light which knocked over some other lights and caused a blackout and then a fire which activated the sprinklers and got everyone wet and really annoyed.

Everyone glared at Aran Ryan.

"What? What do you little chumps want with me eh? I'll take you all on right now? Lets go, come on!" Ryan said and jumped around a bit.

"Guys, lets not fight..." Charmy was trying to reason but Amy shouted, "GET HIM!"

Everyone ran at Aran Ryan, so he along with Charmy & Johnny Sasaki got into a fighting stance.

"Not good!" Tails said as everyone attacked the trio, who were putting up a good fight.

"YEAH! ROCK AND ROLL BABY!" the trio shouted as they fought the common partiers off.


End file.
